To blatantly steal from my bff, Gastrogirl: Do, Dump or Marry: Historical Edition.
Since I am a history teacher and spend 8 hours a day teaching my students about, unfortunately, mostly white, upper class men and their accomplishments and failures, I thought I would piggy back off of EK and decide who the Average Mom would Do, Dump or Marry.
This week: Do, Dump or Marry Historical Edition: Rulers of Empires
DO: Alexander the Great- I know he may or may not have been gay, but either way, he was powerful, rich and pretty hot (in real life – not just when Colin Farrel plays him.) He is credited with a policy of fusion in his military, encouraging marriage of soldiers within his conquered lands and adopted many of the traditions and cultures of the people he conquered, rather then force them to assimilate into Greek culture. I would just do him because he did spend 12 years on constant military campaigns, which does not a good husband make. Plus! He had a god-complex: sweet!
DUMP: Kaiser Wilhelm II - The Last German Emperor and King of Prussia. A megalomaniac who believed he was ordained by God to rule Germany, ol’ Wilhelm did not follow in his father’s footsteps, a man who embraced liberal ideals. Wilhelm had a quick temper and while he was a strong leader in peace time, basically handed his power over to his Generals during WWI and allowed Germany to become a military dictatorship. He eventually had to abdicate the throne, leading to his son’s suicide, and is considered the last Emperor of Germany. Sorry Willy that, along with your rumored relationship with the Prince of Eulenburg-Hertefeld and ridiculous handle-bar mustache, leaves you on the curb. Later.
Marry: Suleiman I – A Renaissance man before the Renaissance, Suleiman led the Ottoman Empire during it’s height. While being militarily adept and fair to his conquered peoples. Suleiman was also a supporter of the arts in his empire and married a common concubine, despite his court’s objection, because he loved her that completely (though he had a second wife as well, but hey, what can you do…the Sultan needs a harem.) He was religiously tolerant, as possible, of Christians and Jews in his empire and wrote his wife poetry, which your Average mom finds completely romantic; “My most sincere friend, my confidant, my very existence, my Sultan, my one and only love.
The most beautiful among the beautiful…”
