We are raising her right (as in correct, not as in conservative!)

This morning as I was helping Josie put on her glitter-covered Cinderella underpants, she burst out in song (right in my ear.)  Was it “Part of Your World?” No.  Was it the Dora the Explorer theme song?  Wrong again!  Was it “Hey Jude” by the Beatles? Nein!

Instead, at the very top of her surprisingly pitch-perfect lungs she sang; “Welcome to the jungle. We got lots and lots of games.”  Now, I know she had the words a little misconstrued, but my heart swelled with pride anyways.  Her first Guns N Roses lyric, ahhhh…what more could I really ask for in a child? 

 

 

 

Do, Dump or Marry: Cold War Edition

I am currently teaching the Cold War in my World History and US History classes, so the fight between communism and capitalism is fresh in my brain.  Actually, I had a dream the other night that my husband had a Stalin mustache and was a CIA agent.  I was a Czarina…it was weird to say the least, so will spare you the details. 

Anyhoo, as a result of my immersion into the Cold War, this week your Average Mom bring you: Do, Dump or Marry: The Cold War Edition.   

Do: John F. Kennedy- No brainer here.  Handsome, intelligent and charming; if he’s good enough for Jackie O. and Marilyn Monroe, he’s good enough for me.  His policies toward the Cold War were cemented by his harsh anti-Communist rhetoric during his Presidential campaign and resulted in some failures (see: Bay of Pigs) and some successes (ie: Cuban Missile Crisis) and his is the President who most throughly embroiled us in the Vietnam conflict.  I would more likely have considered marriage to his son, JFK Jr., who has been a flame of mine since 6th grade, but JFK Numero Uno was just too much a flirander for me and his overwhelming, overbearing family would have been too difficult to bear for an extended period of time. 

Dump: Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev – The General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union from 1964 to 1982, Brezhnev turned the USSR back from the caustitous liberalism that Krushchev had pursued.  His policies were regressive and his advisors and regional leaders were accused later of corruption.  His decision to support the communist Afgahanregime in 1979 left a huge impact on that country, as they welcomes the Taliban with open arms as long as they would not have to be under Communist control anymore.  I think we all know how that ended.  He had a cynical following in the Societ union and his last years in power, he almost worthless.  

Marry: James Bond as played by Sean Connery In “From Russia with Love”- the hottest of spies, James Bond is the hero of the Cold War, and has a quite a hand with the ladies.  In “From Russia with Love,” James Bond benefits from the tension between the USSR and Britain by eventually sailing off into the sunset with his Russian counterpart, Tatiana.  While he is not credited with ending the Cold War, that title belongs to Ronald Reagan and Mikael Gorbachev, Bond is way hotter, smoother and missing any large, unavoidable birthmarks.  Plus, he likes his martinis shaken, nor stirred…just like Your Average Mom.  While his dangerous lifestyle might seem off-putting, Your Average Mom can see herself sticking right along with her SIS agent.  I would specialized in throwing glasses at our enemies, though I might cramp his style with the ladies but Your Average Mom is not one to tolerate infidelity.  Sounds like a marriage made in Moscow!   

Meow…

The Before….

Four years ago today was the day of conception of what is now known as “THE REST OF OUR LIVES!!” (!!!!) 

12 days later, I had a positive pregnancy test while broiling a pork tenderloin for our good friends who were coming over for a weekend visit.  2 days later I started Grad-school and “life” as I knew it officially ended.

 

261 days later, I delivered she who screams at me for combing her hair.  And now, I have an after and like most afters, it’s better then the before.

I covet my neighbor’s handmade goods….

I am a wannabe hippie, without a doubt.  I dream of buying all local and organic, wearing organic, all natural fiber clothing, using chemical free cleaning solutions and riding my bike to work even when it’s raining.  I’m working on it but I’m quite there yet (please read: far, far from it.)  BUT!  I have started doing my “fun” shopping at this awesome website that promotes handmade artistic goods called Etsy.com.  I like that I can make purchases that supports small artists and not huge, conglomerate companies.  Plus! the stuff is wicked different from items you would find in huge box stores, or even small box stores.   

I am currently drooling over this:

It’s from an Esty shop called sproutonline.  I love it’s free form shape that is strong but delicate.  As EK would say: lurve.

TGIM?

Wow.  We had quite the weekend here at the Average Mom’s homestead.  My father and step-mother came to visit for her birthday and anyone who knows my family knows that this combination is inevitably leading to Jim Beam, either in Manhattan or Old Fashionform.  This weekend will be remembered as the weekend of the Old Fashions.  Lots and lots of Old Fashions.  We enjoyed a fa-bu meal cooked by yours truly Saturday night: steamed lobster and sweet corn.  Yum. E.  (We had lobbers twice last week!  Seriously, who do we think we are?) Following our meal, we enjoyed Old Fashions, cream puffs and candles while my stepmother opened her presents.  We were also visited by one my husband’s friends from college who we used to see daily and who now rarely comes over.  It was really nice to catch up with him and I think he actually really hit it off  with my Dad, ex-hippie that he is.  Did I mention the Old Fashions? 

Before the gluttony of bourbon and crustacean, we had a really nice day at a local lake we found.  the lake was so clean you could walk out to your chest and still see your toes.  It was lovely and Josie had such a great time.  Nobody had as much fun as Merle, however.  My dog LOVES to swim.  He was so happy to be running free and retrieving sticks.  You would’ve thought we had brought him to Fire Island for the afternoon.  He exhausted himself and slept all. day. yesterday.

We did the same, lazing around on the couch and watching an embarrassing amount of TV (damn you Law & Order marathon!!).  I didn’t even clean one thing, I was so wiped-out.  Kristian didn’t do dishes and Josie was lifeless as well, though I suspect she was just tired from the lake, not from the Jim Beam.  All in all, it was worth it.  My parents are wonderful, loving people and they truly adore their grand daughter.  She, in turn, worships my stepmother (much to my own mother’s chagrin) and this weekend she played with Granddad for the first time.  He is usually overshadowed by his wife, in Josie’s eyes, and I know it used to hurt him a bit.  It was nice to see how he was that she was asking him to play with her.  He must have tossed her in the air 100 times.  I know his back will be paying for that today!   

After our weekend of gluttony and subsequent laziness, it was extremely difficult to get out of bed today.  I really think I could have slept hard until 11 or 12 but Josie climbed into our bed at 7:30am, snuggled up in arms between myself and Merle and asked if we were going to the lake again today.  I wish we were but I don’t think my liver can handle it.

Leaving on a jet plane….

From BostonDirt Dogs.com:

“True, he has not always played the game the right way, and it can be argued that his attitude was sometimes less than helpful to the team chemistry, but through all the drama he never lost that swing. It remained a thing of grace of beauty to be admired and copied by a generation of young fans. And he never lost the enjoyment of the game. While he may have been dissatisfied with the front office or the management, he never stopped loving the game. There were always moments when you could see in Manny the same kid that hauled tires up hills in Washington Heights, building his core strength so he could drive the ball 420ft. to the opposite field.

(Jim Rogash / Getty Images)

When he watched his home run off K-Rod in the 2007 postseason, arms raised in triumph, we saw that same Manny that we fell in love with. Now that his time has come to move on, for whatever reason, I hope that we do not lose sight of everything he has done for us, and when we speak of him and his time in Boston, I hope we all realize what we owe to him. For the home runs, the laughs, the championships, the intangible sense of excitement that happened every time he came to bat in the late innings at Fenway; we owe him more than to think back fondly on his time here, we owe him our hearts.” – 7.31.08, Wolfe Coleman, via BDD comments

I will miss his swagger and the way his attitude and demeanor would make me laugh.  I’m kinda pissed because Josie was just starting to yell “Look!  It’s Manny!,” whenever he would come up to bat.  It was so cute. 

Bye Manny.  Good luck in L.A. 

Like a whole in the head…

One of my biggest pet peeves in the whole entire, messed – up, degenerating world is back seat drivers.  May-hap this because I am an “aggressive” driver, or because I was taught to drive by a former NYC cab driver (my dad…) or because my high school sweetheart regularly played “car tag” with me in the passenger seat and then later, with me, as we drove home from school/work/Erin’s house everyday.  Regardless of the reason, I. Hate. Backseat. Drivers.  If someone doesn’t like the way I drive, then by all means…drive the car yourself.  I won’t mind, I promise.  If anything I would appreciate having a DD! 

But nothing gets my panties in a  bunch more then someone in the passenger seat, or backseat, or ANY seat of my vehicle letting me know where to go, or how fast to get there or even worse; not saying anything but gasping and clenching their fists every five seconds. 

Unfortunately, Internet, my karma sucks because I have birthed a backseat driver, even worse: a car seat driver.  My three year old is a constant pain in my ass commentator on my driving.  She has determined the purpose of street lights.  This seemed cute the first few times she pointed out that the light was red or green and what the relevant instruction to that color was.  It was cute the first few times she said “oh Mommy, we’re going fast,” even though I was totally doing the speed limit.  This adorable commentary has manifested itself over the past few weeks into me dreading having to drive her anywhere (I have a similar dread whenever her father gets in the car…)

Imagine this scenario: we are calmly driving down the streets of our fair city to daycare in the morning.  My coffee has yet to kick in.  As I turn the corner, there is a red light three blocks up.  Three.  Blocks.  Up.  From the back of the car my daughter bellows “RED LIGHT!!  STOP!!!”  When I don’t stop, because the red light is three blocks away, panic ensues as my daughter react as if the street light monsters are going to come into our still moving vehicle, take her Lamby away and guillotine the fluffy sheep in the middle of the town square.  Screaming.  Yelling.  Desperate crying.  Until I finally come to a stop, or the light turns green which cues Josie’s delightful reminder that “GREEN MEANS GO, MOMMY!”  Thank you, Josie.  They didn’t cover that on my permit test.  Or my driving test.  Or at the safe driving classes that I took to eliminate my many speeding tickets. 

I don’t know how I managed to drive 12 years without your instruction, my little traffic cop.

Yummy….

Last night for din-din, I cooked bourbon and peppercorn marinated shrimp kabobs with a baked sweet potato and grilled squash.  It was a perfect summer meal on a beautiful summer evening.  I was particularly impress with the wine I had with my meal sans family.  On a whim I grabbed a bottle of Dancing Bull Sauvignon Blanc 2005 out of the cooler at my local Price Chopper.  It was on sale and i enjoy their Zinfandel, so I thought “what the hell.”  I was not disappointed.  For a mere $7.99, the wine was very well done and very “usable” as far as it would be an easy pairing with most foods but with the shrimp and the sweet potato it was perfect.  It was a fresh and juicy with bites of grapefruit, apple and, I think, pear but it was not too sweet, there was a herby-undernote that I couldn’t place but it balanced the ripe sweetness very well.  Overall, for the money, this is a sweet deal. 

And Then Hell Froze Over

Scene: Me, cooking Bok Choy salad in the kitchen.  Daughter is bathed and laying on the floor in the living room watching Blues Clues. 

Your Average Mom is chopping Bok Choy at the counter, oblivious to the life changing event about to occur. 

Darling Daughter: “Momma?’

Your Average Mom is busy and rolls her eyes as she expects a request for pink gum or “valentines days,” aka: conversation hearts. 

Me: “What, Josie?”

Darling Daughter: “Is it time for bed yet?”

Your Average Mom drops the knife on the counter along with her jaw.  She slowly turns her now-dizzy head to the blue french country clock on the wall.  It reads 8pm.

Me: “Sure, it’s bedtime.”

Darling Daughter: “Okay, I’ll get Lamby.” 

Darling Daughter proceeds to pick up her ragged, well-loved stuffed Lamb off the floor in the living room and walk happily, quietly, WITH OUT PROTEST up the stairs to her bedroom.  Your Average Mom stands dumbfounded in the kitchen, concerned that perhaps she fried her daughters brain with too many microwaved meals unwittingly lobotomizing her.  Your Average Mom then realizes that it was a fair trade-ff, nay, a great trade-off, if it meant her 3 yr old daughter would put herself to bed without hysterics and tears and frantic manipulations for a glass of a water. 

Your Average Mom is awakened from her stunned daze by the sound of her darling daughetr’s voice melodically traveling down the stairs.

Darling Daughter: “Momma, can I have a drink of water?”

Well, you can’t win ‘em all!

Merry Birth-Of-The-American-Idiot Day!

Well Internet, I am going on vacation.  Albeit, a short vacation but a vacation none-the-less.  Even one day will make a world of difference as the students culture here at Mountain-Top Hell School has taken a complete nose-dive over the past month and, quite frankly, I feel like I am jumping from a sinking ship.  Happily.  While whistling a jaunty tune.  I have dealt with a lot of confused and misguided students over my two years but the this past month has truly taken the cake.  The energy here is completely negative And toxic. I know that public school is no walk in the park but at least you get some type of break that lasts longer then a four day weekend.  My battery has been drained over the past two years and I am ready to a recharge.   

One way I have started to recharge that battery is to significantly cut down my hours here at school, and at home.  My work hasn’t suffered, as it is not college application season and my pace slows anyways, but I have started to seriously detach from the emotional crisis’ that happen here on a daily basis.  I am trying hard to not engage and therefor, am leaving more and more work at school instead of carrying it like a wounded comrade back to my barracks.  It feels good.  It feels like freedom.  But I digress, and bitching to anyone other then the person you married, and so must legally listen to you whine and complain, is unfair and does not help to fill a ladies social calendar.

One other step I have been taking is to take days off that I normally would not have.  This includes 4th of July.  I’m so pumped as this is the first 4th I will have had off since 2005 (when Josie was just a scant 2.5 months old.)  Last Independence Day I was honored for my dedication with a speeding ticket, my 3rd of the year! (Sorry, but that one still stings….)  This Independence Day I am going celebrate the Founding Fathers supreme hyprocrisy (and their Whig-followers supreme sacrifice) by drinking many Amurrican-made beers & wine.  On my list for tomorrow:

Sam Adams (duh)  – flavorful brew named after the famous Son of Liberty but not actually brewed by him.  Ever.  Despite popular belief.  Though he was a brewer, so were most people in the 1700’s.  I am partial to the Cherry Wheat style.   

Magic Hat  – A Vermont treasure, the Magic Hat was started in a garage in Burlington in the 1990’s.  they make unique brews that capture the spirit if fun.  Their most famous is probably #9, which has made it’s way to most major US cities, but it is their seasonal varietals that really blow my mind.  My personal favorite for a summer day is Hocus pocus.  A rich, yet light, brew that has hint of honey wheat but Magic Hat does this bit well, not like other honey wheat-based beers.  The honey is smooth and more of a background supporting the brew rather then a sickly-sweet front note.

And since your Average Mom can not live on barley and hops alone, here is what I will sipping tomorrow to celebrate American-made vino!

Williamette Valley Vineyards 2006 Pinot Noir – one of my favs, this rich red has fruit loaded flavor that is backed up by a earthy back notes that put a bag of rich potting soil to shame.  It smells like eating licorice in a violet patch and feels spicy all the way to my swollen liver.  Purrrfect for BBQ. 

So, go forth and celebrate the birth of the United States of America, it’s founding slave-owners, power hungry politicians, brothers while drinking from the cup of the good ol’ US of A.  I know I will!