Her first step towards her J.D.

 

Like sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives….

My little baby is starting preschool tomorrow….it seems like just yesterday she was being placed in my arms for the very first time.  She was screaming at me  during that moment and she hasn’t stopped since!!  Honestly, as frustrating as her whining and … contstant questions …. and …. talking to herself and ….. singing at the top of her lungs can make me want to drink the contents of an entire bar  sometimes be, I really wouldn’t have her any other way.  She is strong…yes.  She is silly….yes.  She is terribly mouthy at times…yes.  And she frequently does whatever she damn well pleases despite being told “No thank you, Josie” and “NO! Josie!” and “WTF ARE YOU DOING I SAID NO! GOD  DAMN IT!!”  (I am clueless as to where she inherited that trait from…    ) ….yes.  But!! My beautiful daughter looks just like father, so it is that tenacious, precocious, strong personality that proves she is actually the child that grew in my uterus for 9 months.  Plus, she’s smart as a whip! (obvs  from moi’s DNA…)  I am so proud of her and all she has learned over these ridiculously fast four & a half years.  I’m certain that tomorrow I will be a sobbing mess, while that tenacious little girl with curly brown hair easily lets go of my hand and runs into her classroom without fear and without looking back.  She will accept, and triumph over, this challenge as she has accepted all the others over the past four years.  I would expect nothing less, after all, she is just like her mother.  

Who does this remind you of?

I love you my little bug, go get ‘em.

Crying on the inside and out….

Just saw Don Draper make an Old Fashioned with Rye and Soda Water…..ACH!  My poor heart!  Normally I would have to boycott this show out of principle but, given that I LURVE it….I’ll let this small piece if immorality pass. 

Now, if they have the pregnant chicks stop smoking…I’m out.

Back to school…..

One week back to work and I feel like this:

Poop-ed...

 

After one week back at daycare, getting up early and not resting for ONE MINUTE ALL DAY LONG ESPECIALLY HER MOUTH, Josie’s behavior resembles this:

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIVE ME A STRING CHEESE, BITCH!

 

Meanwhile, my oblivious husband sits in his man room looking something like this:

"We're down 6 games but hopefully we can hang on the wild card, isn't that great hunny?"

Which only makes me feel like a bit more like this:

"Try getting a reservation at Dorsia now!"

 

I already need a vacation…..

Raising my glass to Mr. Elmers….

Right now, at this moment in time…I would like to send all the effin’ my little ponies to the GD glue factory.  For shizzle. Allow me a moment of Zen:

 

annoyingly happy party ponies become the most colorful

in the history of the world. 

 

And I would finally be vindicated for the hours my life I have lost to those devilish, plastic equines.  And I don’t even care how un-pc my anti-pony stance is.  So if I loose my membership card to the Liberals Bleeding Hearts of America club, so be it.  It would be worth it.

Fo’ Sho’

This might the start of the apocolypse….

My daughter ate. everything. on. her. plate.  Then, THEN!!!  asked for more?!?!?  I’m patiently waiting for her head to start spinning around and vomit to spew from the demon possessing her 33 pound body. 

You probably need some background knowledge to understand why I would be so incredibly shocked that my daughter would actually eat everything on her plate.  I mean, after all, it’s eating!  Most of us struggle to NOT eat everything on our plate.  But my daughter, is, how can I put this lightly…..THE PICKIEST EATER ON THE PLANET.  Seriously, she eats less then Kate Moss.  So far, she has managed to survive four years subsisting on white toast and string cheese.  And even with those palate tempting meals, she will only eat four or five five bites.  But this summer, while Your Average Mom was home on summer break, I decided to wage war against my daughter’s eating habits.  My tactics resembled our ex-Presidents: shock and awe.  One battle lasted four hours as I refused to let Josie get up until she ate all of her peanut butter toast.  Did you read that closely?  FOUR HOURS!  I dare say my daughter is almost as stubborn as her mother.. ALMOST!  I say that because she did eventually finish her toast, which ultimately makes me the victor.  Um, I think.

I dare say my hard work, patience and not-so-veiled threats might have finally paid off…..I mean, there was BROCCOLI on that plate, and it is now gone.  Prepare to start dodging fire from the sky, my friends….mark my words, the end is near…..

1. 

   She looks cute, but that head will be spinning soon!

For Nenny Mae…..

I apologize for the absence.  There has been stuff going down in the Average Mom’s household, as in almost becoming Your Average Single- Mom……however, my best friend in the whole wide world is busting my proverbial balls weekly to update this thing, so…..for you Jen the Hen with love from Meg the Egg.  I present: Do, Dump or Marry The WWII Edition….

DO: Harry Connick Jr. as Sgt, Clay Busby the Tailgunner for the Memphis Belle.  As historically incorrect as this film was, it was the movie that made me first research ANYTHING about history on my own and as a result I became incredibly passionate about history, WWII especially.  His slow southern drawl, amazingly hot version of “Danny Boy” and willingness to help out a friend (even though it resulted in another Allied plane getting shot down) has always left a soft spot in my heart for Harry… but the character in that Hollywood-ized (yea, I just made that word up) film also always spoke to me.  Triumphant over difficult circumstances (not TRULY as difficult as portrayed, after all the Memphis never had much more then a scratch in 25 missions but dudes, any bombing mission, especially in daylight, was very dangerous) but Harry, and Clay, always stuck with me.  However, since he is a actor portraying a real person, I can’t be beholden to him for life.  Though the chance to listen to him sing, even for one night, would be a dream come true….

It’s a bad picture of him in uniform but here’s a better of my HCJ…

Plus, I do LOVE that forties slicked back Vital-is hair, so sexy!!!

DUMP: This seems obvious but I’m going with it anyways…. Joesph Stalin, or Ioseb Besarionis dze Jughashvili.  A tyrant of the worst kind, “Uncle Joe ” (as we sold him  in US propaganda) killed between 3 and 60 million people during his rule, depending on your source.  It’s virtually impossible to have an accurate count but I’m going to go with a WHOLE F*CKIN’ LOT (that’s a historical term…).  Most of them were his own citizens and he definitely killed anyone who stood in his way, friend  or foe.  This, coupled with the Tripartite Pact and Order #270 leaves him on my dump list.  Sorry Joe, but siding with Hitler and killing your own soldiers for surrendering and/or retreating does not put you high on any girls list, no matter how great your Vodka and caviar are.  Just because it was good enough for FDR, doesn’t mean we can forgive that horrendous tyrannical behavior even though your mustache kicks Magnum PI’s mustache’s ass.

MARRY:  I  struggle with this choice as I would either choose Winston Churchill, ’cause I like his style but his war mongering sucked, or my Grandfather, who I believe to be the greatest war hero of all time but…GROSS!  He’s my grandad…I’m just happy he married my grandmother….so, I decided that given all the evidence of who was actually a tremendous war hero/worthy life time partner I decided that my marry would be…………….

Major Richard Winters, Commander of ‘E” Company 2nd Battalion, 506th Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne Division.  Despite his Hollywood portrayal in “Band of Brothers” as a great and wonderful man and leader, he is also, actually, a great man and leader.  I know, I know….they are hard to find.  During WWII he was involved with, and eventually led, the famous Easy Company through all of the most difficult, strategic and famous battles in Western Europe. Including, but not limited to, the Invasion of Normandy, Operation Market Garden and the taking of Berchtesgaden.  Despite his service to his country in WWII, he also chose to serve our country in the Korean War.  His valor is only supported by his humbleness, saying in an interview in the “Band of Brothers” series when he quoted a passage from a letter he received from Sergeant Mike Ranney, “‘I cherish the memories of a question my grandson asked me the other day when he said, Grandpa, were you a hero in the war?’ Grandpa said ‘No… but I served in a company of heroes…” it brings me to tears just to write it. 

Coming up next on Your Average Mom will NOT be Do, Dump or Marry the Post-War years, as I have laboring over a unit based on such a topic for so many months and I care not to talk about it ever again BUT I will instead be starting from the beginning……DO, Dump or Marry: The Founding Fathers…..sounds revolutionary, doesn’t it  

So sorry…

I was told that I have let my blog fall into a barren wasteland of nothingness….I promise to remedy that soon. Coming up: Do, Dump or Marry – The World War II edition.

I just can’t hide it…

My amazing, beautiful, talented, intelligent friends are coming to visit in a week and a half and I am so excited I can barely contain myself….I miss my girls so much.  There really is nothing like those friends who have known you for most of your life.  Who were there for all you’ve been through and survived, all you’ve helped them survive, all of your successes and failures and faults and come out loving you in spite of it (or because of it.)  YAY!  Counting down the days until the big birthday celebration…..

Score!

Cheeky & fun, def not your "Dead Man Walking" type of film

Previously viewed copy of Mamma Mia at local video monopoly.  My daughter will not let me turn it off.  She demands “more stoopa troopa” whenever we get to the last scene where the couple sails off to the mainland.  Result: am starting to hate Pierce Bronson.  Lurve for Meryle Streep still going strong.  Will post video of Josi singing along soon….